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Posts Tagged ‘Wednesday Weigh In’

I’m cheating, even with this blog.  So I just added this video blog which is pretty much about my day today in a 5 min. video (does that mean I need a life) but I posted it on my other blog, I know, I probably just broke some blog commandment!!  What do you think, should I try to merge the two blogs together? They seem so different but how can that be, since I apart both? Oh I should warn you, I only got 1 hour sleep last night so I’m sure when I wake up tomorrow and read this, I won’t even understand what I’m blogging about!

Really time is an issue today/tonight which is maybe why I shouldn’t wait till my goal (make a blog post every Wednesday) date to update this blog!  I’m back down to 237 and I’m pretty happy that I didn’t spend a good portion of this night stuffing my face with junk food but I am thinking of shaving my head (ok maybe just getting a pixie cut).  So, that made me wonder, does the cycle ever end.  Do will give up one thing only to take something else on?  So every time something stressful is going on in my life somebody better hide the clippers! Well, if that’s the case then I guess I’ll save a lot of money not having to purchase hair care products anymore!

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I am 240 pounds today which stinks cause on the 3/17/10 I was 241.7 which means I’m back to my weight from 2 weeks ago ((sighs)).

I’m a cranky mama today, I just tried to upload a video post to my wordpress blog and just learned you have to pay to add videos (so wish I stuck with blogger now) I’m a single mom and I’m not going to spend $57 a year just to post videos on a blog especially when others let you do that for free, so I posted my video over on The Hood.

I knew I was going to gain weight this week but didn’t think it would be that much. My daughter has been sick, I haven’t been to the gym and don’t think water has touch my lips except for when I brush my teeth! I haven’t been eating too poorly ((wink)) so that is good, but last month really I lived off of soup not that I planned it that way, its just all I wanted, it was kinda of strange almost like I craved it everyday. I’ve all so had bread at least 3 times this week (I made veggie burger w/hummus, lettuce and red onion — it was so-o-o good that I made it the following day — yummy) I all so had a slice of pizza (a slice isn’t bad since I use to eat at least 4 or 5). Well, I’m drinking my water now and starting today I will track my food this week to see what I’m putting into my mouth (maybe I should go food shopping first)!

On a positive note, I am down jean sizes!  For Christmas I got a pair of CK Jeans size 20 that are too big!  Not wanting to spend $50 some dollars on jeans while I am losing weight I started getting jeans from Walmart’s Plus Size Department.  So far I have I have out grown my Just My Size 24 & 22 jeans and now I’m an 18!  Oh and my new jeans I got on sale for $3.00 so I was doubly excited!

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Yes, I often have this argument with myself all the time about sucking and not sucking (don’t be dirty girl or boy)!

First I’m going to crunch those numbers, which is the only thing I’ve have been crunching, I need to get to working on my flabby abs!  I am down 1 pound this week, though I could say 1.9 pounds but I don’t want to be disappointed next week so I’ll just keep it at the 1 pounder!  Why the two different numbers, well as soon as I got up I stepped onto the scale, wait I did go to the bathroom first (don’t we all) and to my happy surprise it said 239.8! For breakfast I had  a smoothie for some reason I went back onto the scale and it said 240 but that smoothie was really yummy!  So I’m logging the second weigh in and that’s it, no more scale till next Wednesday!

I’m really enjoying the Sisterhood Spring Fling Challenge, my teammates are great!  I have to say it’s really nice to have a support system and a place to share knowing that others will get it!  I’ve only been on a team twice before in my life and both times weren’t positive experiences.  Once I was on a teen softball team and lets just say the parents weren’t very kind and then in grade school I was on a  cheerleading squad and pretty much I was stuck in the back, way back!  Can’t blame them though, I’m not the most graceful person and I am one of those people who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time!  It wasn’t until I joined the Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans that I saw how positive it can be to be a part of a team!

OK so here’s the breakdown:

06/01/2009 – 306 pounds

03/24/2010 – 240 pounds

Total loss 66 pounds

02/24/2010 – 251 started challenge

03/24/2010 – 240 pounds

Total loss 11 pounds

Re-training my brain it’s not as easy as it sounds but over all I think I’m getting, slowly but I’m getting it!  I feel like I have many different characters in my head and we argue with each other all the time. I’m trying to evict the negative ones, cause part of this getting healthy journey isn’t just about food! I want to be more positive with myself, with others and I want to surrounded myself with positive people, which is much easier said than done (I live with someone who doesn’t realize how negative their words are). When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought of was that I let my teammates down, the last time I was at the gym was on March 9th!  I spent the rest of that week running around getting ready for the Ruby Gala for Williams Syndrome in DC that weekend.  I had a great time and it was so nice just to sleep in a bed by myself.  I started to feel an intense amount of guilt for how much I enjoyed my night alone because my daughter’s right side of her heart in is failure which means she is at risk for a sudden death event.  So as I was completely sprawled out on this bed I was thinking to myself, what a selfish *itch you are but I’m not, I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my daughter and be the best mom I can to her and I just need to remember that when that guilt starts to seep in.
Below is me having too much fun alone in the room (and NO not that kind of fun! – I’ll be the first to admit I’m a little on the crazy side)!

On Monday the 15th I took my jewel to the playground and it was then I started to get sucked into this black hole.  My daughter doesn’t look sick, you would never know that her heart is in failure which is a blessing cause then you don’t have that constant in your face reminder.

Well, she has developed respiratory issued due to how hard her heart is working and she get’s extremely shorty winded very easily.  While she was at the playground she did a little bit of running (more like waddling) and she started breathing heavy, so I had to get her and sit her down (she doesn’t self regulate herself) and then she started coughing which led to her vomiting some foam.  So seeing your child not to be able to play how she wants and in the back of your mind wondering for that brief second if she’s going to have a cardiac arrest, is pretty heavy stuff.  It’s getting harder mentally with how easily she gets so winded but I try not to think about how sick her heart is.  I try my best not to keep her in a bubble and let her enjoy being a 4 year old.  So I haven’t been able to  get myself motivated enough to go to the gym and each day I would tell myself you suck, you’re failing your team!  But I don’t suck and I didn’t fail them.  Yes, I’ve been in a little bit of a funk these days but I didn’t let myself get sucked into that black hole!  I may not have been to the gym but I have been doing things that I needed and what I needed was to be spending that time with my daughter.  I know some people might be thinking, she couldn’t go to the gym for 2 hours, no I couldn’t.  Instead we did things together, that we do everyday like painting, telling jokes, watching her favorite shows over and over, singing and lots of laughing and that is how I was able to shrink that black hole to nothingness!  So team I may not have been to the gym but I did go for walks with my jewel, which is kind of funny seeing how quickly others do 2 miles in, for us it took us an hour!  But on our walk we stopped to play in the sand, watch the surfers, play on the cars, we talked to strangers, we were present!

I didn’t fail you team with emotional eating, sure I did eat some things not because I was hungry but instead of eating an entire bag of M & Ms I ate 20 Sun Drops (41 pieces is a serving size) which are all natural chocolate candies that look like M & M’s and to me taste so much better.  Instead of an entire bag of Oreo cookies I only ate 2 of Trader Joe’s Joe Joe’s Cookies and man they are delish.  Instead of the king size reese peanut butter cups I went for the Trader Joe’s No Artificial Colors or Flavors, No Preservatives Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, I had one (3 pieces is a serving) melt-in-your-mouth goodness.  I don’t think I never have a sweet tooth but I have learned to make better choices and it’s getting easier to remember that tomorrow is a new day and I DON’T SUCK!

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First here is a picture of my new haircut and color, which you can’t see in this picture but my bangs are red! I went to this gala over the weekend in DC to raise money and awareness for Williams Syndrome and I had a great time. I am in total shock right now cause getting ready for this little overnight stay had my schedule completely off. I haven’t been to the gym in a week now and my numbers went down on the scale! YES, I am now 241.7 so I lost 4.1 pounds in one week, WOOT WOOT! My portions are becoming much smaller which is how it use to be before I put on all this weight, so I am really excited about that. When I hit (I don’t even want to say it) 306 pounds I was hungry all the time and my portions were enormous! It’s getting much easier to make better food choices. I’ve become a big fan of soup, that’s what I get when I’m out or a salad, I usually stick to soup cause of the portion size. I find that when I order a salad it’s huge and I’m not a fan of leftovers and I hate to waste food, so I can finish a small cup of soup with no problem and that’s why I pick that. It’s very rare that I have any bread or soda.  I’m not craving junk food as much as I did before and when I do, I try and find some candy or chocolate that is organic.  I really take my time when I eat and I chew and chew my food and I enjoy it more.  I still need to work on cooking more, which will come.  My goal starting tomorrow is to get back to the gym and drink more water.   Today I enjoyed this beautiful day outside with my daughter.

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I have so much going on right now so I don’t have much time to blog.  The scale read 246.7 today, which means I am down a total of 59.3 pounds since June of 2009 and -4.3 pounds since I started the spring fling challenge over at the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans.  I’ve been doing ok with my food intake but not great with making it to the gym this week.  We had our bedroom painted and it seems like I’ve just been running around from store to store trying to get our room in order and things together for the Gala I am attending this weekend in DC.  I guess I’m a little on edge with leaving my Jewel, not to mention being at a black tie event with a bunch of people that I don’t know that well at a size I’m still not happy with, truth of the matter is I wish I was 100 pounds smaller!  I’m so over being the “Fat Girl”

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It’s been a week since I joined the  Spring Fling Challenge and I am down 2.1 pounds, my weight today was 248.9!  My total weight loss since June 1, 2009, is 57.1 pounds! I am really enjoying the group of ladies I met over at The Hood, they all seem pretty incredible!

Here’s what I did differently this week…I drank a lot more water which really helps curb my appetite! I started to use the treadmill more at the gym along with the stationary bike and NuStep. I’m still having balance issues when done the treadmill so I just kind of stand on the machine for a few seconds before I try and step off and only use the one that is next to the wall so I have something to brace myself with. One of my goals is to get myself to the doctor’s before the end of this month, I failed the balance test and was told to see a neurologist but just haven’t gotten around to it. I never minded going to the doctors before but now I guess since we go so much for my daughter and she is in and out of the hospital I just really have a hard time making the time to address the things that are going on with myself but I’m slowly working on that.

This week was a little stressful. My daughter just turned 4 years old this past January, which is a miracle (each day, every second she is here with us is), her right side of her heart is enlarged and in failure. Now that she is getting older it’s harder for her to be as active as she would like. The other day we went to the mall and her stroller was in the other car, of course the mall didn’t rent strollers (just my luck). Her heart works pretty hard and she becomes easily short winded. She saw the water fountain and her face just lit up and in this sweet voice she said to me, look mom the water fountain come on and run. Times like this is when I wish some I had someone following us around with cameras, I wish everyone could have seen her face and to see her run (its more of a waddle) it was just too cute. She got so short winded from the little sprint that she started coughing and then the vomiting started and just kept on going (good thing I had a plastic bag with me). She said to me, mom I’m all done and I feel better, can we go home now!  I just love her.  As you can see, she doesn’t look sick and I know we are blessed because I can’t imagine how it is for those families who’s child is sick and looks sick.  When she got sick and not being able to do anything for her (you know fix her) just made me want to crawl up into a ball and cry but I didn’t, I just kept in my head all the silly faces, her dancing in the store, rearranging all the shoes at Nordstrom’s (sure they loved that) I held onto all the fun we had up until that point.  So I am very grateful that my Jewel doesn’t look like her heart is in failure, I think that would chip away pieces of my heart everyday if I had that in your face reminder.

Another thing I took from that day was to stop stressing about Blogging and Twitter, I wish I had more time but I don’t.  All of my time is spent with my daughter and then when she’s in dreamland I get to go online and catch up on the news, read some tweets, blog post and connect with my facebook friends.  I love what the FLG said,“You know what challenge I’m doing? One that really means a lot to me and that I’m trying to put my all into? Life. Changing my life. Bettering myself for the people I love and for mine and my family’s future” Well said FLG!  I guess I’m not that good at multi-tasking, so no more feeling guilty about not tweeting or making comments on all the wonderful blogs I’ve been reading.  Who knows maybe when my Jewel goes back to school then I’ll have more time but for now my goals are to work on getting me healthy (eating right/making better choices, going to the gym at least every other day) and making each second count with my Jewel!

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