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Archive for the ‘Emotional Eating’ Category

Yes, I often have this argument with myself all the time about sucking and not sucking (don’t be dirty girl or boy)!

First I’m going to crunch those numbers, which is the only thing I’ve have been crunching, I need to get to working on my flabby abs!  I am down 1 pound this week, though I could say 1.9 pounds but I don’t want to be disappointed next week so I’ll just keep it at the 1 pounder!  Why the two different numbers, well as soon as I got up I stepped onto the scale, wait I did go to the bathroom first (don’t we all) and to my happy surprise it said 239.8! For breakfast I had  a smoothie for some reason I went back onto the scale and it said 240 but that smoothie was really yummy!  So I’m logging the second weigh in and that’s it, no more scale till next Wednesday!

I’m really enjoying the Sisterhood Spring Fling Challenge, my teammates are great!  I have to say it’s really nice to have a support system and a place to share knowing that others will get it!  I’ve only been on a team twice before in my life and both times weren’t positive experiences.  Once I was on a teen softball team and lets just say the parents weren’t very kind and then in grade school I was on a  cheerleading squad and pretty much I was stuck in the back, way back!  Can’t blame them though, I’m not the most graceful person and I am one of those people who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time!  It wasn’t until I joined the Sisterhood of Shrinking Jeans that I saw how positive it can be to be a part of a team!

OK so here’s the breakdown:

06/01/2009 – 306 pounds

03/24/2010 – 240 pounds

Total loss 66 pounds

02/24/2010 – 251 started challenge

03/24/2010 – 240 pounds

Total loss 11 pounds

Re-training my brain it’s not as easy as it sounds but over all I think I’m getting, slowly but I’m getting it!  I feel like I have many different characters in my head and we argue with each other all the time. I’m trying to evict the negative ones, cause part of this getting healthy journey isn’t just about food! I want to be more positive with myself, with others and I want to surrounded myself with positive people, which is much easier said than done (I live with someone who doesn’t realize how negative their words are). When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought of was that I let my teammates down, the last time I was at the gym was on March 9th!  I spent the rest of that week running around getting ready for the Ruby Gala for Williams Syndrome in DC that weekend.  I had a great time and it was so nice just to sleep in a bed by myself.  I started to feel an intense amount of guilt for how much I enjoyed my night alone because my daughter’s right side of her heart in is failure which means she is at risk for a sudden death event.  So as I was completely sprawled out on this bed I was thinking to myself, what a selfish *itch you are but I’m not, I need to take care of myself so I can take care of my daughter and be the best mom I can to her and I just need to remember that when that guilt starts to seep in.
Below is me having too much fun alone in the room (and NO not that kind of fun! – I’ll be the first to admit I’m a little on the crazy side)!

On Monday the 15th I took my jewel to the playground and it was then I started to get sucked into this black hole.  My daughter doesn’t look sick, you would never know that her heart is in failure which is a blessing cause then you don’t have that constant in your face reminder.

Well, she has developed respiratory issued due to how hard her heart is working and she get’s extremely shorty winded very easily.  While she was at the playground she did a little bit of running (more like waddling) and she started breathing heavy, so I had to get her and sit her down (she doesn’t self regulate herself) and then she started coughing which led to her vomiting some foam.  So seeing your child not to be able to play how she wants and in the back of your mind wondering for that brief second if she’s going to have a cardiac arrest, is pretty heavy stuff.  It’s getting harder mentally with how easily she gets so winded but I try not to think about how sick her heart is.  I try my best not to keep her in a bubble and let her enjoy being a 4 year old.  So I haven’t been able to  get myself motivated enough to go to the gym and each day I would tell myself you suck, you’re failing your team!  But I don’t suck and I didn’t fail them.  Yes, I’ve been in a little bit of a funk these days but I didn’t let myself get sucked into that black hole!  I may not have been to the gym but I have been doing things that I needed and what I needed was to be spending that time with my daughter.  I know some people might be thinking, she couldn’t go to the gym for 2 hours, no I couldn’t.  Instead we did things together, that we do everyday like painting, telling jokes, watching her favorite shows over and over, singing and lots of laughing and that is how I was able to shrink that black hole to nothingness!  So team I may not have been to the gym but I did go for walks with my jewel, which is kind of funny seeing how quickly others do 2 miles in, for us it took us an hour!  But on our walk we stopped to play in the sand, watch the surfers, play on the cars, we talked to strangers, we were present!

I didn’t fail you team with emotional eating, sure I did eat some things not because I was hungry but instead of eating an entire bag of M & Ms I ate 20 Sun Drops (41 pieces is a serving size) which are all natural chocolate candies that look like M & M’s and to me taste so much better.  Instead of an entire bag of Oreo cookies I only ate 2 of Trader Joe’s Joe Joe’s Cookies and man they are delish.  Instead of the king size reese peanut butter cups I went for the Trader Joe’s No Artificial Colors or Flavors, No Preservatives Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, I had one (3 pieces is a serving) melt-in-your-mouth goodness.  I don’t think I never have a sweet tooth but I have learned to make better choices and it’s getting easier to remember that tomorrow is a new day and I DON’T SUCK!

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Snowed In

Thanks to my step father, who drove me to the gym yesterday I’m feeling really good about that but I am scared to get on the scale next month, clothes are feeling a-little snug!  We had a snow storm which has left us with no power and for me that equals lots of munching, luckily I did some shopping at Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s so the snacks are much better than the stuff we usually have in the house but still with all this snacking and not much moving is making me a little nervous.  They say we will be getting more snow tonight and tomorrow so maybe I need to think about doing some sort of exercise at home (that would be the logically thing to do Ann)!

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Like many I am a total stress eater and I must pat myself on the back right now!  I’m here at CHOP (Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia) cause my daughter just had some dental work and since the right side of her heart is in failure she will be recovering in the CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit) overnight.  This is the time that I usually consume insane amounts of soda, candy, cakes, burgers and fries and guess what, I stayed strong (in so many ways)!  It took me over 5 minutes to make my lunch selection, I’m sure I looked like a crazy person.  As I paced around the cafeteria, I was having this personal conversation with my good twin (she’s the health nut diva) and evil twin (he’s the big fat slob, notice the evil one is a he) and finally I went with my girl the health diva and had this yummy pasta with Shrimp and Spinach along with an Ice Tea!  Hospital food has come a long way!


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